Thursday, November 28, 2013

Fun with innuendo (a holiday "how to" guide for getting in trouble with your spouse)

Disclaimer:  Despite what the rest of this post may insinuate, I am truly thankful for so many things in my life and I want to wish each and every one of you a truly happy day of thanks.

Now, on to business.

A favorite pastime of mine is to turn normal sounding things into innuendo.  I do this every day, but Thanksgiving is ripe with opportunity.


Here is a short list of Thanksgiving related words that I can't say without either a smirk on my face, or without that added innuendo that I enjoy so much:

Breast
Pie
Cavity
Stuffing (or Stuffed)
Gravy
Baste
Giblets
Thigh
Sauce
Trimming (or simply: Trim)
Jam
Gobble
Buns
Eat
Tasty
Rolls
             
Remember, most of the fun is not just "what" you say, but how you say it.  For best results, go with a low, almost imperceptible growl in your (already) annoyed or embarrassed wife's ear: "Would you like me to baste the thighs now?"

For those having a hard time coming up with truly creative ways to get into trouble...here are a few primer sentences.  The delivery and timing are up to you.  Remember, bonus points are awarded for creativity:

Whew, that's one terrific spread!
I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
Talk about a huge breast!
It's Cool Whip time!
If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
Are you ready for seconds yet?
It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
Don't play with your meat.
Just spread the legs open & stuff it in.
You still have a little bit on your chin. (my personal favorite)
Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it.
How long will it take after you stick it in?
You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
That's the biggest one I've ever seen!
Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest.
How long do I beat it before it's ready?


Til later, 

-M

Monday, November 25, 2013

Opening Weekend (or...another installment of the off season blues..)

Yeah.  I don't deer hunt.

Don't get me wrong, I take no issue with thinning the herd, love me some venison chili, stew and hot sticks when I can get them; but I grew up in a city and didn't really have anyone to teach me the art of deer hunting. I'm not complaining though.  I can't really afford (and Mrs. MacLoosh probably wouldn't tolerate) another expensive and time consuming hobby.

The above not withstanding, opening weekend of deer season still holds it's own tradition for me.  You see, without fail, every year I want to get out into the woods for a hike on opening morning so badly I can taste it. Call it a sickness...but it drives me absolutely batty to know I can't just get up and go out for a hike.  I guess you always want what you can't have..

And so I am left to other devices to keep me from getting into trouble.  Chores around the house keep me partially busy, but idle hands (and mind) can be tools of the devil.

Wrecking ball
A trip to the local home improvement store also yielded an impromptu stop at the neighboring Best Buy.  In an effort to avoid the GoPro camera display and my un-disciplined accessory purchasing habits...my boy and I ended up perusing CDs.  The end result was the unfortunate purchase of a Miley Cyrus CD.  It seems that both kids can agree on very little except the fact that "Wrecking Ball" as sung by Miss Miley is, in their (collective) opinion: the greatest song in the world.  And so...being the soft touch that I am, I bought it for them.  To be sure, this purchase runs directly contrary to my usual disdain of all performers with the last name of "Cyrus" but in a very rare opportunity, I made both kids happy in one fell swoop.  (And thankfully, the CD was half its normal price...)

Of course, Miley's bizarre behavior, wardrobe and even stranger choice of back drops for her video are enough to pique the interest of even the most serious of Cyrus haters.


At a minimum, a naked woman sitting on a wrecking ball will get my attention every time...what can I say?

Bird feeding
I rarely keep my bird feeders full in the summer. I figure if they can't find enough to eat when the growing season is here, then they were going to die anyway.  Winter time is another story.  I feel sorry for them.  I am also a closet bird watcher so I enjoy seeing some of the visitors that the feeders bring.  Probably my favorite is the Northern Flicker.  A cool little guy that I figure to be about as close to a brown trout as a bird can get.

Not my picture-don't give me credit
And of course the bird feeders bring other unwanted visitors.  Squirrels.  I can handle a couple of them, but lately we seem to be over-run and I think it is time to start thinning the pack.  I haven't decided on exactly how to do it, and of course I wouldn't THINK of breaking any local laws in the process...but the below video certainly gives my over-active imagination some fun ideas to tinker with.

Enjoy.



Til later,

-M

Saturday, November 16, 2013

HomeMakeOver: The Lab edition

Joining in on an organizational fit that has vexed Mrs. MacLoosh lately, I attacked and gave the Lab complete remodel.

Re-arranging the Lab really wasn't something that I thought NEEDED to be done.  I have actually been pretty happy with the set-up.

Rather, as I was giving part of the basement a thorough cleaning (Mrs. MacLoosh tackled the truly hard stuff last weekend, I was just capitalizing on her really good start...). Part of today's task meant that our old PC get dismantled and removed (since it nearly started on fire recently).  What was left was an extra desk in the basement.  Too big to store, too good to just get rid of.  So I have been looking at the basement since last weekend, trying to figure out exactly how to re-arrange.  The only logical option was to take out my home made fly tying bench, since it would be easy to take apart and store.   Once done, I went to work converting the old computer desk to my "new" personal work-space, aka: The Lab Part Deux.

Of course, I also managed to get the rest of the basement done and for a nice change of pace, I am currently in the good graces of Mrs. MacLoosh.  Hell...I think she might have even shaved her legs for me today (wink wink nudge nudge tickle tickle)

Uh...where was I??

Oh...yeah...the new Lab.  It has it's similarities to the old set up.  After all, I did mention that I wasn't particularly unsatisfied with what I had...

Out with the old...

In with the new.
And finally...an update on the dog.  His indiscretions with my streamers was just the start of a week that I am glad to have behind me.  And, while he HAS managed to stay out of my fly tying supplies...his run of poor behavior has continued in other ways. We're working on this....

I will readily admit, that as I was putting the new Lab together, I paused and was more than mildly distracted by the thought of rigging it up with some sort of electrical shock device (similar to an electric fence).  You know....just in case he forgets his manners again.

Til later,

-M

Monday, November 11, 2013

Life with a peckerhead dog

Mondays.  I freaking HATE Mondays.  There is just no real redeeming value to Mondays as far as I am concerned. Today ended with an episode that pretty much justifies my disdain for the first workday of the week.

Someday I will sit back with a beer in my hand and recount this story to friends.  Maybe it will be around a camp fire after a good day on the water.  Or...more likely...it will be from the friendly confines of a padded room (and no beer...).

The initial text was this:


At first, I thought it was funny.

My thought process was: "Stupid ass dog.  I hope he got stuck.  Wait....no I don't.  The barb wasn't pinched down and I don't need the extra vet bill"  I called my wife to verify that he wasn't hurt. He wasn't.  Whew...no extra vet bill today.

That was on the way home from a "classic" Monday at work.  As I drove, I flipped through the flash cards that make up my memory and realized that I had purposefully left those streamers with hooks secured in foam on my fly tying desk.  That means the dog had to exert some effort into getting one stuck in his paw.

Suddenly, some jackwagon pulled out in front of me, and I was off into a fresh set of dark thoughts.

After dinner and helping my daughter with homework, my wife casually mentioned Manny's taste for feathers and I scurried downstairs to check the Lab.  What I found is apparently what happens when a pain-in-the-ass Kickmeanklebiter is left unsupervised.

Now, I know that saying he is retarded is not politically correct these days, so save yourself the trouble of a lecture on use of that word.  But the truth is: I am currently having a hard time finding a more socially acceptable way to express the fact that this dog is on the very low end of the canine intelligence curve.

Dog shaming.  MacLoosh style.
The little fucker managed to mangle each and every one of the Fish Sculls streamers that I spent the last couple of nights working on.  In some, the zonker strip is gone all together.  In others the marabou is beyond repair.  And yet, in others, the hackle is absolutely destroyed.  He also got into a pack of olive colored marabou, and mangled an entire (brand new) package of natural colored zonker strips.

My current hope is that tomorrow when he goes out for his morning duece, that somewhere along the way a quill has managed to stay intact and finds its way through his lower intestinal system by way of poking the sidewalls and causing involuntary muscle spasms along the way.

No one would be happier than me to see his sorry ass twisting and twitching in wretched discomfort. When he eventually pinches it off and turns around to sniff the the fruits of his labor, I hope he gets one final poke in the nose.

A guy's gotta dream right?!

In the mean time, since Fish Sculls aren't cheap, and because I think I can still fish them...I will.  If I get skunked, then I guess I will just have to come home and beat the dog as one final act of retaliation.

Now, excuse me while I go lace his kibble with chili powder.

Til later,

-M

Saturday, November 9, 2013

Scull Candy

Continuing on my streak in The Lab...I've been working up some big streamers lately.  I am not sick of tying them yet, but I am about out of Fish Sculls already.  

And I REALLY like these guys.



I suppose I can continue on making them with cone shaped beads, but I just don't think those would be quite as fun.

I suppose I could also just buy some more, but the truth is, in the world of fly tying supplies, these guys aren't inexpensive (and I AM cheap when it comes to tying materials, despite what Mrs. MacLoosh would tell you...).

So I guess I will just wait patiently, maybe work up a few more variations with the cones, then fish them hard when I finally get the opportunity (...approximately 4 months from now when the 14' trout season opens).  If one mix of materials or colors works better than another, then I will invest in more Fish Sculls and build an army of them.

To be sure, this is a crappy way to figure out if a pattern is good or not, but for now it is all I've got.

Til later,

-M



Monday, November 4, 2013

Falling back

I changed the clocks this weekend.  Yep. That bi-annual ritual that goes along with changing the batteries in my smoke detectors.

I fell back.

The truth is, falling back actually starts somewhere around October 1st.  Not coincidentally, the Wisconsin Inland Trout season ends the day before.  Also not coincidental is the fact that I am already falling back into that off season haze that starts to ramp up this time of year.

Changing the clocks and detector batteries is just one of the signposts on the road to the winter crazies.  Before too long, I will have completely lost my mind, as I spend my time muttering incoherently and pouring myself another drinky drink drink.

Bring on the shorter days.  Bring on the fact that it is hunting season and walks along the creeks are limited to public trails where I don't need to worry about taking a 220 grain slug to the head.

And...bring on the fly tying.

Despite an incredibly busy and stressful October, I am, apparently off to a good start on filling the flybox's this year. My usual M.O. is to pick a pattern and stick with it until I have either run out of supplies, or (more likely) I get so goddamned sick of tying that pattern that I move on.


And such is the case with my hopper box.  It's full again (and then some).  I love fishing hoppers...but...holy hell! am I tired of tying foam...

So, what's next?  There are only about 50 patterns running through my mind (including the new school patterns and old standby's like the CDC Caddis).  With that, I could use some help: anyone have a new, killer pattern that is sooooo sexy even the big trout lose their usual inflated sense of self?

If you do, hit me up.  I'd love to have the pattern and a new obsession.

Til later,

-M